


Without Apologies

by Serenityreview



Series: I don't want your future (I don't need your past) [4]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Binge Drinking, M/M, Not Beta Read, One Shot, Polyamory, Self-cest, Speed Force, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 09:29:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11078793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serenityreview/pseuds/Serenityreview
Summary: The one where no one apologizes and they all get drunk.





	Without Apologies

**Author's Note:**

> I had a very hard time writing this fic. It just wasn't coming out the way I wanted it to. Writer's block sucks.

_"Let us admit, without apology, what we do to each other."_

_– Details of the Fire, Richard Siken_

Time has no meaning inside the Speed Force. There was no discernable day or night here. So Barry referred to his waking hours as days and his sleeping hours as nights. It’s one those rare days where he had awoken before his two partners in their bed. Usually he was the last one to wake up. Most days he woke up feeling happy and content. Some days he woke up and felt trapped between the two people that had caused him so much pain. Today was one of those days, so Barry carefully extracted himself from between the two sleeping men and headed out of their palatial house.

After they woke up in the bamboo forest on a king sized bed lying on top of lightning bolt patterned cotton sheets, they realized that the space around them was responding to all of their desires. Their current house however was all Eobard’s. The man refused to give an inch on the design, claiming that Barry and by extension Savitar had no taste. Eventually they comprised by letting the doppelgängers pick the outside of the house. Barry imagined a serene meadow and Savitar put a lake in the middle of it.

Barry ran to the other side of the perfectly circular lake and sat beneath a giant willow tree, its branches dipped into the water. He drew his knees against his chest as negative thoughts consumed him. _How could he stand sleeping with two murderers?! How could he find comfort in the arms of the two people who had hurt him so irreparably?! Wasn’t he betraying the memories of his mother and the woman he loved?!_

He didn’t notice Savitar and Eobard approaching until two pairs of legs appeared in front of him. _At least they found common ground in their insistency on wearing nothing but black_ , Barry thought sullenly as Savitar sat down next to him. Eobard stood beside them, watching in silence.

The Reverse Flash did not know how to offer any comfort and he knew that Barry would see through any attempts at false reassurances or apologies. Savitar watched Barry carefully, wondering if he will be erased the moment Barry decides that he can’t stand to look at him anymore. He refused to feel guilty for wanting to live.

Barry looked at his lovers and quietly asked, “Am I a bad person?”

“I think you are asking the wrong people.” Savitar replied after a beat. He looked away, but not before Barry saw the guilt and pain in the time remnant’s eyes. Barry didn’t know if he should resent or admire Savitar’s utter refusal to let guilt affect his actions.

Barry then looked to Eobard who answered, “I think you are asking the wrong question.”

“What is the right question then?” Barry asked, frustration bleeding into his voice. He stared expectantly at Eobard for an answer but the blonde simply turned to look at the lake. Of course, Barry forgot Eobard simply didn’t feel guilt. In his reverse’s mind everything he’d ever done was justified. Barry wished he could be like. He didn’t want to feel guilty anymore. He pressed his face into his knees. He stayed like that for a long moment before a hand grabbed his wrist.

“What you need is a drink.” Eobard said decisively as he pulled Barry back towards the house.

“I didn’t know we had a bar.” Savitar said as they sped back into the house.

“We do now.” Eobard said as he stepped behind the bar counter.

“You know bar tending?” Savitar said in disbelief.

“Everyone needs a hobby.” Eobard shrugged as he brought out various bottles of alcohol and a cocktail shaker, “Pick your poison.”

Barry stared blankly at Eobard. It’s been so long since he’d even thought about getting a drink; let alone what his favourite drink was. It seemed like a lifetime ago – the days when he didn’t have his powers.

“What’s the point of drinking if the alcohol can’t affect us?” Savitar asked as he settled on a barstool.

“Oh, trust me,” Eobard said knowingly, “You will get drunk.”

Savitar looked skeptical but he asked for a sex on the beach. Barry racked his brain for a cocktail name and only could come up with sangria so he asked for that. Eobard nodded and went to work. Barry watched as Eobard carefully measured and mixed their drinks. The man definitely knew what he was doing.

“One sex on the beach and one sangria.” Eobard put the two drinks on the counter.

Savitar grabbed his glass and took a large sip. Barry did the same. Eobard pulled out a glass and poured some bourbon into it before downing the entire thing in one go. Barry rolled his eyes as his reverse slammed his glass on the table and refilled it with more bourbon.

“Slow down,” Barry said after he took a sip of his sangria, “This isn’t a competition.”

Eobard responded by downing his second glass whilst maintaining eye contact with Barry. Savitar snorted and Barry rolled his eyes.

Eventually Barry lost count of how many glasses the blonde speedster downed in one go, but then again he’s also lost count of how many sangrias he’s had. Savitar seemed to be still nursing the same sex on the beach, or maybe it was his third, fourth? Barry can’t remember. He felt loose, warm and content. Eobard was right; he needed a drink.

-

Barry awoke the next day feeling terribly hungover. Somehow they made it to their bed after their binge drinking session or maybe the bar simply changed into the bedroom after they blacked out from alcohol poisoning. Barry tried to wiggle his way out of the bed but Savitar groaned and tightened his arms around his double. Eobard made a displeased noise at being accidentally elbowed by Barry, so he stayed still.

Strangely this pounding headache actually brought some clarity to the speedster as he cuddled against his two lovers. He was never going to get any apologies from them. He knew that. An apology would mean regret, and they weren’t regretful for what they had done to him. He understood that, but he cannot offer them apologies either. He cannot regret things he didn’t do. It seemed that they were at an impasse or perhaps it was Barry who arrived too late at this conclusion. Savitar and Eobard seemed to be perfectly fine with their arrangement. They never asked for Barry’s forgiveness, they didn’t need it. Maybe one day Barry wouldn’t need it either.

Fin.

**Author's Note:**

> I know nothing of bar tending or drinks. I just figured Eobard would know about alcohol since Eowells was drinking bourbon (or was it whiskey?) in the first season.
> 
> Also I would like to point to this lovely meta on Barry's selfishness and survivor's guilt. Reading it helped me to write this fic.


End file.
